Feelings, nothing more than feelings

So, here I am. I'm trying to blog like this because I think english might be more elegant to express what I am about to say.

And then I was thinking about myself, something I do more often every day, when relized that I am really bittered. The other day I was in the subway, when a kid was trying to make space to have a seat, I first felt mad because he was pushing me and it was I who first saw the seat (in a very crowded convoy), but almost immediately I felt very bad because he made space for his grandmother, so I tought that I would do that if I had that age, and then, just all of a sudden, felt that I would do that, even now, because I haven't changed really, everybody think that they know me, but it's just a little fake I like to make, only to know the reactions of the people around me. So on, after seeing the kind gesture of the kid, I turned around just to see a grown-up man (to 50's , 60's) moving apart the people it was in the middle, and it turned that I was next. That idiot pushed me so hard I was smacked to the door. In that precise moment the feeling of moments before just vanished to make space for anger, frustration and that feeling you have of 'I hate mankind'.

About ten minutes later , I was still angry for that incident, but began to think about it more, like 'Why did he do that?', or 'Damn, was I on his way?'. Even tried to explain his behavior towards me, and then it just came to me, that it was human nature.

Right there the world didn't change at all, but realized that the change was within me, like 'When did I started thinking like this?' -I mean, it didn't bother me to the people be like they are, because I was too busy in school or with my "friends" to notice them. But when I started going to senior high, that little bubble I was began to fade, and it was so sutile that never realized how polluted am I because of the stupid people I'm surrounded.

I guess I'm bittered after all...